Redefining Success
How would you answer the question “What does a successful life look like?”
For most of my life, I would have answered something along the lines of becoming a millionaire, getting six pack abs, or marrying the girl of my dreams. And while these aspirations aren’t “wrong” in and of themselves, I now think they’re an overly simplified view of what it means to be successful. So why do we often answer this way? I believe it's a result of the reductionist worldview our culture promotes when it comes to success and happiness.
We’ve all heard stories about multimillionaires who are so busy chasing riches that they barely know their own kids. Given the statistics, it's likely that you know a young person who developed an eating disorder while striving to achieve what society tells us is the ideal physique. We could all name a celebrity whose career has taken off but will themselves admit that their mental health is a wreck.
All of this just goes to show that when success is measured by only one or two metrics, the formula is destined to fail. This blind pursuit of one’s (often subconscious) definition of success can often result in immense destruction and dissatisfaction.
At least in the US, I’d guess that most people’s answer to the question “what does a successful life look like?” would include some measure of wealth or status at the top of their list. But why is that? Is there not more to an excellent life than money and fame? Who sold us this deficient bag of goods?
I’d argue that we’ve been duped by industries that profit from our feelings of insecurity. The media and Hollywood idolize money, fame, and physical appearance because these animalistic desires help sell their products and movies. However, when we unconsciously subscribe to this limited definition that is pushed on us by industries that don’t have our best interest in mind, we tend to make decisions that aren’t right for us and lead to eventual unhappiness.
As you probably realized when trying to answer the first question, the concept of “success” is rather esoteric and can be quite hard to define. The truth is that there’s no one right answer. The Oxford English Dictionary defines success as “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.” One of my favorite explanations comes from Earl Nightingale, who says, “Success is really nothing more than the progressive realization of a worthy ideal. This means that any person who knows what they are doing and where they are going is a success. Any person with a goal towards which they are working is a successful person.” Success is relative. It depends completely on both the individual and how they are pursuing their “worthy ideal.”
Society has failed to give us a more holistic framework for such “worthy ideals.” So I've made it my mission to redefine success to reflect a “whole-life” approach. To do so, I’ve found Tony Robbins’ “Wheel of Life” concept extremely effective for understanding the various life buckets in which success can be better measured. There are a few versions floating out there, so I’ve modified this one to include the categories and subcategories that make most sense to me:
Exercise: At Tony’s events, one of the very first things he’ll have everyone do is rate each of these 8 areas from 0 (at the center) to 10 (at the edge). If you'd like to follow along with this exercise, you can download this “Wheel of Life” template under the “Resources” tab at chrislford.com. Once you have your template, draw horizontal lines at each level to graphically represent your wheel. Below is an example of what a completed wheel might look like.
Ask yourself an important question: if your life relied on wheels shaped like this to take you places, would it be a smooth ride? How can you bring more balance to your wheel in order to make life a smoother ride? This framework perfectly complements the goal setting process, as most anything we seek to obtain or become can fall within one or more of these 8 “life buckets.”
If you’re like most people, you’ll probably discover that some of these areas of life have been mostly ignored, if not completely forgotten. Don't blame yourself, though: unless you’ve had whole-life successful role models to learn from, it’s likely not your fault that your wheel (like mine) is a bit bent out of shape.
In general, different cultures prioritize these life buckets very differently. For example, Western cultures typically value those areas of life that relate to “The American Dream” or the things that are promoted by Hollywood and social media: Career/Mission, Money/Finances, Lifestyle, and Body (specifically physical appearance). During the rise of the information age, one can see America’s influence on the rest of the world in many ways through social media. Comparatively, I’d argue that Eastern cultures place a greater importance on Mind/Emotions, Spirituality, and Relationships.
One of the main lessons I learned while traveling in Europe is that people there truly do “work to live” while most of us Americans unknowingly “live to work.” This is of course a generalization, and various cultures, countries, cities, religions, families, colleges and so on each have their own biases towards valuing these 8 life buckets. I’m not trying to say that they all should be equally considered in everything a person does, into what one strives for. My point is that there needs to be greater intentionality behind the weight and priority each of us gives to them. Because I assure you, the past focus of your life buckets has been one of the main influences of your decision making thus far, and their continued focus will ultimately shape your destiny.
So what’s the solution? How can one straighten out their Wheel of Life to make for a more enjoyable ride? The simple (but not always easy) answer is self-awareness and perspective. It's important to understand what you want and why you want it By objectively examining what areas of life you’ve neglected and what needs to change. Realize that success—as measured by only one or two life buckets—is one that will leave you feeling unfulfilled and searching for more. You might think you have to choose between success in various buckets. And while it's true that we all have a fixed amount of time and energy to put towards any one area, that they’re actually all complimentary. Success attracts success and failure begets more failure.
When you see that person who seemingly has it all: a nice apartment, luxury car, an impressive number of followers on social media, realize you’re only seeing a drop in the bucket of one measure of success in that person’s life. The Halo Effect can lead us to believe they have it all figured out! Choose who you look up to (and take advice from) wisely. If they don’t have what you want in that area, there’s a good chance you shouldn’t be listening to them.
I like Nightingale’s definition so much because the only “right” answer is the one that’s well thought out by each of us as we find our own happiness. “I’ll tell you who the successful people are. The success is the school teacher who is teaching school because that’s what he or she wanted to do. The success is the woman who is a wife and mother because she wanted to become a wife and mother and is doing a good job of it. The success is the man who runs the corner gas station because that’s what he wanted to do, his dream.”
Truly, success is a feeling. A feeling of making a difference, of following through on you said you’d do, of becoming someone you’re proud of. At the beginning of this article, I asked “What does a successful life look like?” How would your answer change if I asked “What does a happy life look like to you?”
I believe life is too short not to strive for it all, to fall in love with the endless pursuit of whole-life success, and to give something back by becoming the highest version of yourself. Redefining success is the first step. I’ll leave you with two of my favorite quotes and a meme…
“Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure”
– Tony Robbins
“Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”
– Dale Carnegie
